Wave of Light

No matter the time that passes, there are still days that I remember the baby that I loss. Those days are March 4th (when we found out the baby no longer had a heartbeat), September 28th (my due date), and October 15th (pregnancy and infant loss remembrance day). I haven't cried about it in a long time, but today I cried. I cried for the lost dreams. I cried for the pain I suffered. I cried for those that have suffered the same pain. No mother should ever have to face a miscarriage, pregnancy loss, stillborn or infant loss. But we don't live in a perfect world, our world is flawed, and because of that I am not the first to suffer this pain nor will I be the last. May we shatter the silence of it.

This post still holds most of my feelings from losing my baby:

Tears

I wrote that post just months after my loss, but I still feel the same at times. Sharing my pain has helped others, never be afraid to share your story, you never know who will need it most.

Can't escape it.

One thing I have learned through my miscarriage is that there is loss everywhere. Every time I turn around I here another story of someone who has lost a child or children to either miscarriage, stillbirth or infant death. It breaks my heart every.single.time! Today is no different.

In my Social Psychology class we have to post a journal from our weekly activities every Sunday. While I assume we are supposed to document how we view society throughout the week many people have posted about their day to day life. Today was a day that I actually sat down and read some of the entries, today my heart broke for a family that I do not know. One of classmates has been posting about her nephew that was due on March 22nd, she was obviously very excited about his arrival and was even planning the baby shower for her sister. Sadly on Thursday her sister lost the baby. I sobbed as I read her journal, though her words were short you could feel her pain over this loss. She called her nephew their "little king", she even talked how about she got to see him and hold him after he was delivered. She was brave for posting this journal. Many people do not know of stillbirth, many people do not talk about it. I commend her for doing this.

I hate to hear of someone losing their child; this is pain that I wish no one had to experience. Being who I am I sent her a message with my condolences and with a link to Faces of Loss, Faces of Hope. Every time I hear of someone going through a loss I share this site because of the impact it had on my life and still has on my life. It pulled me from my darkest spot and helped me see the light. It has introduced me to many great people.

It gives me great hope that I can still have joy even with the anniversary of my loss quickly approaching. It amazes me every day how much life can change in a year. A year ago I was still newly pregnant, talking about baby names and happily writing in Kameron's journal that she was going to be a big sister. Today I sit here big and pregnant anticipating the arrival of my son. This pregnancy has been hard but is still a blessing. I still have fears, mainly from the knowledge that I have now that things can still go wrong, but I also have faith. I have faith that my beautiful son will arrive healthy. I have faith that everything will be okay. I have come so far in a year, and I am so thankful for the people that have helped me get here.