Taking a break...

At the end of week one of potty training Kameron was completely unsuccessful. I was unsuccessful as well. She couldn't get the whole telling me she had to go before she went and on occasion I couldn't get her to the bathroom in time. About halfway through the week I realized that she was holding it for long periods of time. I'm talking 6 hours and up to 10 hours...no pee. This was very odd for her.

On Monday I ended up taking her to the doctor to have her ears checked out since she was pulling on them and had a nasty cold. Turns out her ears are fine but I asked the doctor about her holding it for so long. His advice....take a break from potty training. But we just started?! His theory is that she just really isn't ready yet, hasn't quite gotten the mechanics of voiding on command and therefore is holding it. So I took his advice. No more asking her if she has to go, no more sitting her on the potty, no more potty training. I figured that if she asks to sit on the potty that I will put her on there but otherwise I'm not going to bother with it for now. Lo and behold, she has been going to the bathroom just like normal all day now. So it looks like we are on hold right now but will hopefully pick up training again in a couple of months. :)

Potty time!!

So for a couple of weeks now Kameron has actually been asking to sit on the potty. This is a big improvement from where we were a month ago when just the mention of the word "potty" resulted in Kameron running off and screaming "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!" Then about 5 days ago Kameron said she wanted to "wear panties like momma!" Okay?! This comment really came out of nowhere so I'm assuming that she might actually be getting ready for the whole potty training thing. So I told her that if we bought her panties that she would have to go peepee in the potty. Enthusiastically  she said "OKAY!" I didn't run out that day and buy her panties so for days all I heard was "go to walmart....go buy paaaaanties". Finally yesterday we went to Wal-Mart and bought her some. I also decided to get some supplies to make her a potty chart.

So the plan is that whenever she goes potty she will get a sticker and her chart will get a sticker. So far no stickers but she is still wanting to sit on the potty. Next week I only have finals to take so school wise I will not be that busy so my plan is to put her in her Minnie Mouse panties and attempt to start this whole potty training journey.....wish me luck!!! :)

I still cry....

....Yes I believe that I have healed and in essence have “moved on” but I still shed tears. I haven’t cried in such a long time regarding my miscarriage; it’s been so long that I can’t remember when it was. I’m dealing with it; I’m walking this road even though I never thought I would be here. I’ve stopped counting each Thursday how far along I should be now in my pregnancy. I’ve stopped counting down the months that is has been since we lost the baby. I’ve stopped asking “why?” and all around I think I doing pretty good with this whole nasty business. But I still cry; I cry for the baby that I won’t get to have, for the child I won’t get to watch grow up, no first steps, no first day at kindergarten, no graduation from high school………so many dreams destroyed. I believe deep down inside that I will have another child/children one day. But I will never forget the child that would’ve been my second child and my September baby.

Blue highlighter and powdered doughnuts

What do these two things have in common? Nothing really except they helped make my morning interesting to say the least. Kameron can be very quite and sneaky sometimes. She gets her quietness from her daddy, definitely not me! This quietness often leads to her getting into things and I don't know it until it is too late.

As most of you know I am currently going to school online; unfortunately my schoolwork consumes a great portion of my time. This morning as I worked diligently on music class homework I noticed that it was really quite in my house. uh oh....this might be bad. I hop up off the sofa and begin the hunt for my daughter. She isn't in her room, I check the dining room (aka my classroom/office) there she is! She says "Hi, Momma...I coloring!" Yes she is.....with my blue highlighter. *fist smack to forehead* Luckily she is coloring in my notebook not so luckily she has managed to color all on her hands, arms and face. Awesome! After taking the highlighter away, dealing with minor meltdown because of taking it away and cleaning her up; she went off to her room to watch Lilo and Stitch. I proceed to work on my school.

An hour later I need a snack. Now honestly I don't need a snack but I want one; I remember we bought powdered doughnuts at the store yesterday. YES!! I will take one of those....okay 3. After consuming them I set the bag beside the sofa (note to self never do this again). I continue reading my music book. Kameron comes into the room oh so sweetly and talks with me, gives me kisses and returns to her room. Or so I thought.....30 minutes later she returns. White powder is all on her mouth, hands and shirt....doughnut bag is nowhere to be seen. GRRRRRRRREEEEEEAAAAAT!!! I ask her to bring it to me, she pouts and says "no". I proceed to go in her room. There is the bag of doughnuts on her floor surrounded by the remainder of the doughnuts. Every doughnut (approx. 13 of them) had about 1/2 to 3/4 of them bitten off, the remainder of the doughnut was crumbled into the floor. *fist smack to forehead* I fuss at her, she pouts, I make her pick every doughnut up, I clean her up, vacuum the floor and we resume our day....oh and it's only 11:30. Gotta love it!!! :-)

Religion vs. Relationship

Have you ever watched a movie where the role played by the Christian is some fanatical, bible thumping, scripture screaming, hypocritical person? This week I watched the movie "Easy A"; typically you wouldn't watch this type of movie and relate it back to Christianity but that's what happened. In the movie one lie a girl tells turns into bigger lies and she becomes alienated from her peers. The front runner for this alienation is this "Christian" girl who tells her that she is going to hell and "I'm praying for you!". Now why would Hollywood portray this "Christian" girl like this along with many other "Christian" roles out there? Well......because there really are crazy people out there like that.

For a good portion of my life I have been in church. I did all the things that were required of me. Attending church on Sunday morning, going to youth church on Sunday night, going to small groups and all around trying to be the good little Christian girl. Inside I didn't understand the difference between doing the rituals and having a relationship with God. Around me I watched people who at church acted like the good Christian but weren't the same outside of church. I watched people push others away with their "in your face" Christianity. Both of these types of people were hypocrites to me. If you are a Christian you are supposed to live your life to glorify God but that doesn't mean that every person around you needs you to be in their face with your ideals and religion.

I'm not a bible thumping, scripture screaming, in your face Christian. In fact for a while you might not have known I was a Christian. I didn't go to church for 5 years, I didn't talk about God and even though I believed in Him I had no desire to have a relationship with Him. Some things cause change in your life. The thing that caused change in my life was my miscarriage. From the moment I found out I was pregnant I talked to God more than I had in the past year. I prayed every day, sometimes several times a day. I prayed that God would help my baby grow and that he/she would be healthy. My first ultrasound showed that my prayers weren't being answered. And then of course ultimately I lost the baby. So, why would in this event where my prayers weren't answered would I turn to God? Well, I didn't for a while. In fact for a while I was mad at Him. Why would this happen when I prayed? Truthfully I'm not sure why it happened, but it did and I'm dealing with it. For a while my only person to turn to was Him. I talked to him instead of just praying. I started going to church again and I'm starting to change. Does this mean that I will become a bible thumping, crazy Christian? No. I never want to be that type of person that turned me away from being a Christian. I want to have a relationship with God that shows in how I live and affects the people around me. Will I make mistakes? Yep. But that's what being a human is all about. None of us are perfect even those crazy, stuff my religion down your throat "Christians". Maybe they will wake up one day and realize how much they are actually turning people away from God?

Okay...I'm getting off my soapbox! lol