In the Silence

The creak, groan and pop of my recliner rocking fills my ears as I rock my baby to sleep. She is growing heavy in my arms and begins to breathe deeply. I think she is finally asleep. As I go to stand up she says, "rock! fa fa fa!", she is not asleep. So, I sit back down and again the creak, groan, pop of the recliner fill up the empty silence in my living room.

A little voice says "fa fa fa", and I began to sing one of her favorite songs "a, b, c, d, e, f, g...."

The night is dark in the early hours of 3am and most of the world is asleep, but I am not. I am rocking and singing to my baby in my once silent living room.

Creak, groan, pop.....a,b,c,d,e,f,g.... She snuggles in closer and begins to rub my shirt between her thumb and forefinger. Her eyes are growing heavier and heavier. Finally they close and she lets out a long sigh. I think that she is really asleep this time, but just for good measure I rock and sing to her for a little longer.

Creak, groan, pop....,a,b,c,d,e,f,g.....

A little piece of my heart

A little piece of my heart broke yesterday. See...it has come that time to completely wean Kameron. Why you ask. Well, a week ago I had a really bad migraine. I've had them since I was a little girl and they typically only require some Ibuprofen, darkness, quiet and time for them to go away. Well last Friday my migraine was bad, so bad I passed out. Not fun. So, I went to the doctor on Monday and had a bunch of tests done, and I still have more to go through. But he said that he would like to put me on a preventative medicine that I take every day, but in order to do that I can not be nursing at all. So begins my heart breaking.....

Tuesday: Everything went great. I gave Kameron her bath, and when she asked for "boop boop", I just distracted her, gave her a snack, brushed her teeth and she went to bed, no problem.

Wednesday: She didn't even ask for it. Oh, I felt like someone had stabbed me in the chest. How could she forget it so quickly? Something she has had for almost 18 months, and like that she just doesn't care?! I cried, I didn't sob, but tears ran down my face. My "baby" is not a baby any more, when did this happen?

Thursday: She didn't ask again. There goes another piece of my heart. But as soon I laid her down she started crying. I figured I will let her cry for a bit and she will go to sleep. Nah...that didn't happen. So, I picked her up to rock her and she points to my chest and says "boop boop?", I say "I'm sorry, sweetie, but you can't have it." She starts sobbing......my heart rips apart. After almost 2 hours of rocking, singing and eventually laying down with her she went to sleep.

I foresee this journey not being so fun, and a little piece of my heart breaking every day. I pray it won't be as bad as it has been. I pray that I can make it through this with my sanity. I will truly miss me and her having our special time. I never thought I would nurse her for this long, I actually had originally planned to only do it for 6 months or so. I was baffled by women that nursed their children 20 months, 2 years and so forth. Now I see why, it is truly a bonding experience with your child like no other. I will miss her being my lil boobie baby! =' )

The little moments

Life more often that not overwhelms me. Whether it's the good times or the bad times, I still find myself over taken by it. Since having Kameron my life has changed tremendously. The life I knew is no longer. I no longer work full time, I no longer can just chill out and watch T.V., I no longer have a lot of me time. Do I regret it? No way whatsoever!!! When you become a parent you quickly realize that your life is no longer about you. It's not about what you want or need, it is now about what your child needs or wants. And if you still live your life like you don't have children when you do in fact have them, I think that it's just you being selfish (I'm just saying). When you become a parent you have to learn to become selfless. Do I still become overwhelmed with my new responsibilities? Yes, almost every day, I at some point become overwhelmed. In those moments I try to reflect on the little moments that make all of it worth it.

• When she looks at me and smiles
• When she hugs my neck and gives me a kiss
• When she calls my name (even if it's for the umpteenth time), "Mooooooommmma!"
• When she tells me "nite nite" and grabs her pillow and pulls it behind her to her room when it's time for her nap
• When she asks for "datdog" every morning when she wakes up because she wants to watch Mickey Mouse Clubhouse
• When she learns a new word or words everyday (yesterday was apple)
• When she says "mmmmmm, good" whenever something tastes good
• When she says "ahoo" whenever she sees a football game on T.V.
• When she sits still for a little bit so I can snuggle with her

There are so many things I could list. I love that little girl more that I have ever loved anything. Every time I see her it's like the first time I met her. My heart fills up with such joy, to the point it fills like it could burst. She is my world, and I wouldn't change a thing!

My heart, my world, my daughter

Fall

As the days go by we are getting closer and closer to my favorite time of the year....fall!


I love fall, there are so many things to love about fall. The way the cool wind blows across your face as you walk outside, and the distinct way the now cooler air smells. The trees become God's canvas as He begins to paint them in beautiful rust oranges, golden yellows and dark reds.

I love riding in the car with the windows down, the music blasting and glancing in the rear view mirror as the leaves swirl and scatter behind my car.

As far back as I can remember, every fall we would have a fire where we would roast hot dogs and marshmallows. We would all be bundled up in our sweatshirts and sit around the fire telling stories. The food was good, the stories are almost always crazy and I will always remember the laughs.

You can't mention fall without mentioning FOOTBALL!! I've always watched football, and liked it. From watching the NFL with my dad to attending my high school football games. I absolutely loved being in the color-guard in school and going to the games to cheer on our team. The cold air, the sounds of the band playing music (Oh, sweet child o' mine) , the feel of the stadium seat vibrating as people stomped their feet and the wonderful feeling you get as your team scores! In my opinion there was nothing better. But high school couldn't last forever. After that the only football I watched was the occasional NFL game. But that all changed about 4 years ago. I went from someone who didn't really care about college football to a HUGE Gamecock fan!!!! I look forward to the start of the season, I plan my day around when the game comes on (if it's on TV) and my heart races as I watch the game. I scream at the TV if they fumble the ball, I jump up and down when they score and I have huge pride when they win. When they lose, that's a different story! Nah....I still love them, but I will just be bummed that they lost. I love seeing the stadium and I can't wait to one day go to a game.

Also with fall comes Halloween and Thanksgiving. I love Halloween now that I have a child and I get to dress her up in cute clothes, and I am sure that as she gets older and wants to pick out what she will be I will love it even more. And I love Thanksgiving for what it means, and for the food. Yeah....I love the food! =)

Bubbles

Kameron's new favorite thing is bubbles. And no not these...

But these...

She absolutely loves them! Every time I ask her if she is ready to get her bath she says, "Baths, bubbles!!!" and takes off for the bathroom. I can't even say bath too loud when it's not time for her to get one, if I do she will keep repeating "baths, bubbles!" until she finally gets in the tub. So, if I want to tell Freddie that in an hour I want to give Kameron her bath and then she is going to bed....I have to say "I'm going to give Kameron her B.A.T.H. in an hour." Or else I will pay for it because for the next hour all I will hear is "baths, bubbles!" and occasionally she throws in "TEETH!" She knows that with her bath she gets to brush her teeth. Her second favorite thing is to brush her teeth. Speaking of teeth, she officially has all of her eye teeth, and her two year old molars are right below the skin. So, she now has a mouth full!!


I am still surprised everyday with how quickly she is learning things. I can't even count how many words and phrases she says now. I am trying to teach her colors now and she can say "green, red, blue, yellow and purple", and pretty often she can point out the colors when you ask her to.


And.............drumroll please...............she is FINALLY sleeping through the night!!! I had begun to think that it would never happen, and now that it has I don't know how to act! She typically sleeps between 10-12 hours at a stretch. I am so surprised, and HAPPY!! =)


The girl loves to eat now. She asks for her waffle every morning, although she pronounces it "waff waff" and does a little dance when she says it. So funny! Some of her favorite foods are apples, bananas, strawberries, cucumbers and chicken. When it's time for supper or when she is ready to eat she will grab her highchair and start dragging it around the table and says "EEEAT!" and then pats the seat in her highchair and says "get, get ,get" which means "get in". She is quite the character.




Here are some pictures of her with her bubbles!!!