Big, but still too little

So I'm fixing to be really "real" with the small amount of people that actually read my blog. The past 4 days have been really hard for me. Kameron has been super cranky and REALLY whiny! I've tried everything I know to do for her and nothing has worked.

Kameron is so advanced for her age. She does some many things that she shouldn't be doing, and understands so much. But despite this; she is still a baby and I often forget this fact. In my mind for some reason, I feel like if she can talk in sentences then she should be able to tell me what is wrong instead of just whining!

I get frustrated when she doesn't understand why she can't have what she wants, and that there are times that Mommy has to do other things besides give her my undivided attention. During these times she whines constantly, and often times it is right at my feet. My patience has been worn thin and I have raised my voice at her more than I should have these past couple of days. I feel like all I have done is fuss, fuss, fuss! "No, you can't have that!" "No, you can't DO that!!" "Stop climbing on the sofa, you're gonna fall off!" "No you can't play with my phone....Kameron give me my phone back!!" That statement is most often followed by her tossing my phone on the floor as hard as she can. It's taken everything I have not to pull my hair out.

I love my child so much that it's indescribable. I prayed for so long to have my very own baby; so, I don't want to complain about how hard it is to parent a toddler. But really........it's pretty freakin' hard! I've never done this before, I have no clue what I'm doing! I can ask my mom and my friend for advice, but they can only help so much. And I'm sure both of them chuckle behind my back about my struggles and say "been there...done that!"

One day I hope to look back and laugh about this myself. But today, today I'm struggling. Struggling to see past the fussiness, to see past this phase that she is going through. Struggling to have enough energy to deal with her. Struggling to see that she is big but still too little to tell me what she wants or what is wrong.

One day she really will be a "big" girl, but for now I'm going to try to enjoy this phase of "big, but still too little"....I just want to be the best mom I can be for her, and I feel like I have failed her completely the past few days. = ( I'm really hoping that tomorrow (well actually today) will be a better day. I am earnestly praying that it will be.

Dear Lord, please give me patience and strength!