Silently they come out of nowhere
Silently they fill my eyes and begin to run down my cheeks
My shoulders shake as I try to hold in the sobs that want to be released
I try to be strong and hold in my pain
The tears flow faster and spill down my cheeks and soak my pillow
Why must I feel this pain?
Why must my heart hurt so much?
I wonder who you would have been and what you would have looked like
Would you have had your daddy’s grin?
Would you be like your sister and have fair skin?
Why could you not stay with us?
I think of your picture; my baby so little in black and white, so little but so loved.
Unanswered questions are all I have
Finally I stop being strong and share my pain
Then my tears fill my eyes again
They fall one by one
One by one they fall on your daddy’s shoulder soaking his shirt
He holds me as my pain is released the only way I know how, in tears.
I ran into a comment you posted on a miscarriage story on Faces of Loss. You and I have very similar stories...and I thought you and I could maybe reach out to each other for help and support, if you wanted to. I have a 2.5 year old little girl that is a product of fertility treatments. I miraculously conceived another child naturally and found out I was pregnant on January 24th (the same day as you)...due on Halloween. After seeing a vigorous heartbeat at 7 weeks, I went in again (to assure timing) at 9 weeks and 4 days and the heartbeat was gone...just gone. The baby measured exactly on time, so it had just happened. I had a D&C the next morning. I am still reeling from the loss...some good strong moments (especially for my daughter Leighton) and then a day like yesterday filled with tears after meeting a friend's new baby and attending a baby shower. My blog is: www.jonandchanlassak.blogspot.com. My email is: chantellelassak@gmail.com Thanks for sharing your story!
ReplyDeleteI lost the baby on March 31st....my surgery was on April 1st.
ReplyDeleteI know the same feelings; some days are great and others I feel like I am in a black pit that I can't get out of. I swear each week someone else posts they are pregnant, and while I am happy for them it still hurts to see it. I would love to be here for you and share our experiences and pain.
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