5 months...

Tomorrow marks 5 months since my miscarriage. I can not believe that it has been that long. The pain of it is so far away but there are still days the pain is fresh in my heart. I should be big, pregnant waiting on my child to be born but instead my womb is empty. Painfully empty. Despite it's emptiness I still find joy in my life everyday. But there are some days that are full of fear.

Some days this fear is overwhelming. I know that when I become pregnant again that there will be fear. Fear that if I let myself think about it too much that will consume me. But I can't let it consume because I want to be able to enjoy my next pregnancy. I am putting my faith in God to help me through it. I know that not many people hold the same beliefs that I do, but that's okay. My family, my friends and my faith are what get me through this time. At church on Sunday we sang the song "Your Great Name". One verse in the song really stood out to me " ‎Every fear; has no place; at the sound of your great name."I cling to this verse through this time of fear, doubt and pain. I trust in the Lord to carry me through all the things in my life. In recent days I have really clung to Him. I don't think the emotional pain of what I have gone through will ever go away. At some point I expect it to be a dull ache and not the sharp pain that takes my breath away. But through the pain He has never left me nor will He ever leave me.