13 weeks, 2 weeks, 3 weeks

Yesterday marked what should have been my 13th week of pregnancy and the 2nd week after my miscarriage. Today marks the 3rd week since I found out that my baby had died. In actuality it seems a lot longer since we found out and since we lost the baby. But other times it feels like just yesterday.

I thought I was making progress with healing, I thought that some of the pain had started to ease but it's still there. When I first found out I was pregnant I had already guessed to when I might be able to feel my baby moving and that would have been sometime around Freddie's birthday; his birthday was yesterday. I also had my six month check up at the dentist yesterday and as I was getting my x-rays I sat there thinking that I shouldn't be having these done right now. Ugh...my heart hurt. Then as I proceeded to talk with the hygienist about life and how spoiled Kameron is because she is the only grandchild on my side, she said "Well maybe it's time to fix that and start trying for # 2". I had no clue what to say to her so I just laughed. What I really wanted to do was tell her "But we did try for #2 and now he/she is no longer with us", but why would I tell her that just to make her uncomfortable? She had no clue what we have been through lately.

After my appointment my heart was flooded with the emotions just as raw as they were 3 weeks ago. As many people that have had miscarriages; I continue to mourn in silence. I don't wear a shirt that says "I lost a baby", as people pass me on the street or in the store they don't know what I'm struggling with every day. What I'm dealing with is not apparent. But I will keep my head down and keep pushing forward because that is what I do!

Despite the bad things going on in my life there are some good things. One month from today this semester in school will be over...praise Jesus!!! We just got back from a trip to Ocean Isle Beach, NC and had a wonderful time! And I found a place that is willing to help me sell my photos!! I am so excited about this and can't wait to get my name out there! I am praying for a lot of business!!!