Today has been full of pain. Pain that I had the feelings that I had yesterday, pain that I said the things that I said, pain that no matter how hard I try I can't get all my feelings out. And more pain because my body can't decide what to do, now it acts like that it wants to do things naturally. I would welcome this because I don't want surgery, but I also don't want to go through this pain only to still have to have surgery. I'm tired physically, mentally and emotionally. If I was gonna do things I naturally; I didn't want to be alone, thus the reason I took the pills this weekend. Now, I'm faced with possibly being alone for this (if it happens) because Freddie is on night shift this week.
I just want to crawl into my bed and sleep the day away but I can't. I have to take care of Kameron and I have a LOT of school work to do. My classes started on Monday and I have been putting them off, procrastinating like never before because I don't want to think right now, I just want to sit here. School doesn't care that I'm going through the things that I'm going through, they only care that I turn in the assignments on time and if I don't I get a zero.
Is this over yet?!?!
So very sorry for your loss and that the pain is amplified because the process is being drawn out. I hope you're able to avoid having surgery on top of it all!
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