Memory Sense

Ever since I was a little girl certain smells would remind me of people or places from my past. It's funny how I can smell something and immediately feel like I'm being thrown into a memory. Yesterday as I passed time at the Dollar Store, I saw the Christmas garland hanging on the wall. As I strolled by with my buggy, I got a smell of it.

With just that little bit of smell, I was 10 years old again helping Mom unpack the tree decorations. I can remember pulling tape off of boxes and gently taking the ornaments out the box to lovingly unwrap them from their tissue or sometimes paper towels. I can remember finally getting to the garland and wrapping it around my neck like a scarf and breathing in the distinct smell of it. I remember helping decorate the tree and never being able to reach the top (still can't in fact). Visions of past trees full of presents underneath them fill my head. The smell of cookies baking in the oven, the smell of acrylic paint as we painted ornaments. With one scent, all my memories began to snowball.

If I smell Wrigley's Spearmint gum, boiled peanuts or a Werther's Original piece of candy, I think of my Granddaddy Taylor. I think of walking the path from my house to his house in the summer with the grass tickling my legs and the bugs buzzing in my ears. I think of the way his eyes crinkled when he laughed or smiled, I think of the many breakfasts he cooked us and how he was always trying to feed us. I can still hear his voice when he would call the house "you want some penders?" A pender was what he called boiled peanuts. He is the one that got me hooked on sausage and gravy biscuits from Hardee's with a side of egg, and I still eat it to this day. He was such a wonderful person and I miss him to this day.

Each member of my family has a distinct smell; my mom, my dad, my sister, Freddie and Kameron. It's not a smell I can place, but they smell like "home". This may not make sense to a lot of people, but it makes sense to me. I remember being upset as a child and tucking myself into my mom's lap and snuggling up to her neck so I could breathe in her scent as she soothed me. As I grew older, I remember wrapping my arms around my dad, taking a deep breath as he hugged me and all the bad things went away. The smell of Kameron's hair always makes my heart beat faster and feel like it's going to explode. When I'm upset, just the smell of Freddie when he hugs me can calm me like nothing else. My sister's scent is the only one that I can actually put into words, she smells like a mixture of Tide detergent and sweet tea. It's an odd mixture, but it smells like her and I love it. We have so many wonderful memories together. From playing in the woods as children to exploring the Art Museum as adults.

The other night Freddie was eating Cheeto's, not the puff kind but the crunchy kind. Just the smell of them made me think of my Grandmother Taylor and elementary school. I can clearly remember sitting Indian style in a chair at her dining room table after school with my eyes glued to the TV watching X-Men, with the Cheeto's bag in one hand and a coke in the other.

It still surprises me how interconnected my sense of smell and my memory are, how one moment I'm just shopping and the next I'm smiling with a forgotten memory. I'm glad that I have this ability because I would hate to forget all the wonderful people and memories I have.

Lil Ladybug

I know it's been almost 3 weeks since Halloween, and I am just now posting a picture. But I've been kind of busy. I have been trying to potty train Kameron; it's very time consuming, so yeah most of my time has been occupied with that here lately.


So, as you can see, Kameron was a ladybug for Halloween! She was so stinking cute!!! Unfortunately she was sick; so she didn't get to go trick-or-treating, but I did take her to go see my parents. I got there and dressed her up; whipped out my camera to take tons of pictures, got 3 taken and my camera died!!!!!!!!!!! Thus the reason you only see one picture in this post. I did take some pictures with my mom's camera, but I haven't bugged her to send them to me.....yet!


Kameron had so much fun prancing around in her outfit, eating "chocoley" and hanging out with my parents. In all the night was a success except we didn't have any trick-or-treaters; but that's alright, it left more candy for us!!! ;-)

Do you ever....

Do you ever have a moment that completely takes your breath away? I do....every day I have a moment or moments like this. Most often it is when I go to check on Kameron right before I go to bed. I slowly open her door and the hinge squeaks because we keep forgetting to put WD-40 on it. Then as quietly as possible, I walk to her crib to look at her. As I peer over the edge of the crib and look at her sleeping, an invisible hand squeezes my heart and I lose my breath. 


She is so utterly beautiful and peaceful when she is sleeping. Her little hands tucked under her chin, her breath coming out in snores from her little mouth. My heart fills with love as I look at her.Then I cover her up and leave her room with a smile on my face.


Other times that take my breath away are when I am just browsing Facebook and up pops her picture in the side bar. I can't help but click it and marvel at how pretty my baby is, and how blessed I am.


See how pretty....

It seems that most of my "blogs" are about my child. After all the my blog website is "kameronsmommy". I can't help it, she is after all pretty much my life. She is my world, she is my life, she has made me who I am today. I may not be perfect, but I am a heck of a lot a better person than I use to be. She is the reason behind it. She makes me want to better myself. She is my driving force when I think I can't do something. Her little unexpected hugs and kisses make everything a little bit easier and put things into perspective. I may be stressed, my life may not be where I want it to be right now, but I have my family and I have my daughter. As long as I have that then I am rich. I may only be rich in love, but I am rich and that's all that matters to me. I can't thank God enough for the blessings He has given me and my family. And I as I go through my journey, I leave everything in His hands. He knows what is best for me and my family.


"I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me." Philippians 4:13


I am not a bible thumbing, preaching from my soap box kind of person. But I am a Christian; therefore, my hope remains in Jesus. He knows my heart and He knows what lies ahead for me. He is my provider and I trust in Him completely.

In the Morning

It's early in the morning. The time when the sun starts to rise and light up the sky. The house is still wrapped in the light darkness of dawn. I hear my little girl crying in her room. I stumble out the bed and shuffle my feet into her room.

She stands up and holds her hands out for me to pick her up. I pick her up and she snuggles into my neck, I tote her to my room where we crawl back into bed.

We lay there side by side in the darkness with her little arm wrapped around my neck and her breath warm on my cheek. She sits up and kisses me, I return the kiss and she lays back down. I slowly rub her back till she dozes back to sleep. Instead of returning to my slumber I lay there with her in my arms, rubbing her back and breathing in her sweet smell. I treasure the way she feels snuggled in next to my side, and the way she fills up my arms. I treasure this special time in the early morning when she is still and I can snuggle as much as I want. Moments like these are few and far between.

Even though I am up way earlier than I would like, I still treasure it. If I did not have my sweet little girl I could sleep in all I like, but my arms would be empty. Instead I am up early with her snuggled in my bed. I wouldn't trade this moment for anything in the world. I am truly blessed!

A Perfect Night

With my music turned up, the wind tousles my hair as it whips through the windows of my truck. The temperature is a perfect 74 degrees and so begins my perfect night. As I navigate the roads to my parents house and pass White Knoll High School the sounds of a drum line warming up reach my truck, and with that noise I am transported back to my high school days. I am woken up from my daydream as a little voice says, "see kitty, doggies!!! woof!!", she is watching Milo & Otis in the back seat and I smile as I respond "Yes, I see that kitty. Isn't he pretty?" "awwwww....cute!" she says. And so goes our conversation as we travel the road over the river and through the woods to Grandma's house we go, or in this case to Noni's house we go. As we pull into my parent's subdivision her face lights up, she knows where we are. 

Once we get to my parent's house we all sit outside enjoying the crisp air as it blows across our skin. The sight of her swinging with her Granddaddy and Noni is a sight I will never forget. Granddaddy shows her how to throw the ball for the dogs and she giggles as she throws it a mere foot in front of her. As the night gets cooler and her nose begins to turn pink, we decide to head inside.

Once inside we enjoy a wonderful meal of rigatoni and sauce. Kameron devours it and makes us all laugh at her antics. As we leave she clings to her Noni because she doesn't want to go home. Finally she goes to her Granddaddy who loads her up in her carseat. And again we are winding the roads, but this time we are heading to our house. "see kitty, doggies!!! woof!!" 

In the Silence

The creak, groan and pop of my recliner rocking fills my ears as I rock my baby to sleep. She is growing heavy in my arms and begins to breathe deeply. I think she is finally asleep. As I go to stand up she says, "rock! fa fa fa!", she is not asleep. So, I sit back down and again the creak, groan, pop of the recliner fill up the empty silence in my living room.

A little voice says "fa fa fa", and I began to sing one of her favorite songs "a, b, c, d, e, f, g...."

The night is dark in the early hours of 3am and most of the world is asleep, but I am not. I am rocking and singing to my baby in my once silent living room.

Creak, groan, pop.....a,b,c,d,e,f,g.... She snuggles in closer and begins to rub my shirt between her thumb and forefinger. Her eyes are growing heavier and heavier. Finally they close and she lets out a long sigh. I think that she is really asleep this time, but just for good measure I rock and sing to her for a little longer.

Creak, groan, pop....,a,b,c,d,e,f,g.....

A little piece of my heart

A little piece of my heart broke yesterday. See...it has come that time to completely wean Kameron. Why you ask. Well, a week ago I had a really bad migraine. I've had them since I was a little girl and they typically only require some Ibuprofen, darkness, quiet and time for them to go away. Well last Friday my migraine was bad, so bad I passed out. Not fun. So, I went to the doctor on Monday and had a bunch of tests done, and I still have more to go through. But he said that he would like to put me on a preventative medicine that I take every day, but in order to do that I can not be nursing at all. So begins my heart breaking.....

Tuesday: Everything went great. I gave Kameron her bath, and when she asked for "boop boop", I just distracted her, gave her a snack, brushed her teeth and she went to bed, no problem.

Wednesday: She didn't even ask for it. Oh, I felt like someone had stabbed me in the chest. How could she forget it so quickly? Something she has had for almost 18 months, and like that she just doesn't care?! I cried, I didn't sob, but tears ran down my face. My "baby" is not a baby any more, when did this happen?

Thursday: She didn't ask again. There goes another piece of my heart. But as soon I laid her down she started crying. I figured I will let her cry for a bit and she will go to sleep. Nah...that didn't happen. So, I picked her up to rock her and she points to my chest and says "boop boop?", I say "I'm sorry, sweetie, but you can't have it." She starts sobbing......my heart rips apart. After almost 2 hours of rocking, singing and eventually laying down with her she went to sleep.

I foresee this journey not being so fun, and a little piece of my heart breaking every day. I pray it won't be as bad as it has been. I pray that I can make it through this with my sanity. I will truly miss me and her having our special time. I never thought I would nurse her for this long, I actually had originally planned to only do it for 6 months or so. I was baffled by women that nursed their children 20 months, 2 years and so forth. Now I see why, it is truly a bonding experience with your child like no other. I will miss her being my lil boobie baby! =' )